so it doesn't really change

disclaimer: i seem unhappy; i just need to get over myself. the beginning of this post is not enjoyable but i will show you pictures of what i've been up to at the end :D

in case you've forgotten what i look like, this is me and a baby dior stuffed rabbit. 


here's what i think:

it’s easy to forget that when you go to a new place you’re still the same person you were before you got there.

i booked this flight to escape my life in berkeley but in reality i was trying to escape myself. constantly haunted with trying to figure out if im a shitty person or not and booking a month long trip to paris doesn’t seem to answer the question either. i'm someone who is in constant search of the next reset, the next moment where life can look slightly different so that every goal on my self-fulfillment checklist gets fulfilled --exercise more, make art, eat healthy, be happy, whatever. you think to yourself that you'd be too depressed back home to work on yourself, but then you come to the famous city of lights still stuck at home watching anime. 

hanging out with my mom 24/7 has also meant that i'm stuck in my own thoughts most of the day.  the same catalog i frequent of people i've wronged, my lackluster future, and diminished self worth. at the end of the day, i'm miserable in a beautiful city. i have the privilege of watching my mom be her most authentic self, a captor of every waking moment, an embodiment of seizing the day. anytime i breach the subject of where my life will take me, she shrugs me off saying that everything i need is already laid out for me. when you have lived half your life and established your career, anything about the future is easy for you to say. 

at the end of the day i'm still me with all my flaws, so fuck it. get cultured, cas said. so here's what i've been up to in paris:


some food that i've eaten -- confit de canard, jammy egg w/ camembert and peach jam, steak frites, ramen

honorable mentions unpictured: daily baguette, at-home cortado, this morning's pistache financier





some art that i've seen -- le pho, vu cao dam, mai thu exhibit at musee cernuschi

these are the same artists that created the paintings hanging in my sf home, so if you've been to my house you will recognize the buddha in the last image ^-^




the apartment i live in:




monthly metro card, mom said i look french in my picture oui oui




last but not least: mommy and her streetmas tree to celebrate her last day of finals! hoorah

it has since found its home on our balcony waiting to be adorned with lights



at the end of the day, i couldn't be more grateful to have the privilege of being here. it's tough to be revved up and ready to go when i arrived here with a near debilitating cold, annoying jetlag, and two 10+ page final papers left to write. however, i know better than to mope around and get caught up with trivial matters like my moral standings. i just need to look at art and take in the architecture and the millions of beautiful people i pass on the street. i still have yet to smoke my first cigarette here... waiting patiently until the day comes. 





Location: Paris, France

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