im baring my ears to the world for the first time

you know, maybe i’m late to the wave, but i’m trying to exercise auditory nudity these days. meaning: i’m not wearing headphones when i’m outside. bonus points if i also don’t doomscroll or text people. i’m doing this for two reasons. the lesser one being that i’ve overdone my music lately (ie listening to okay kaya’s album watch this liquid pour itself for almost two weeks straight and before that strictly a meat computer & co playlist for three weeks). and sometimes you just gotta give your drums and brain a break. 

the main, more profound reason is that i simply want to be exposed to the world —eavesdropping on bus conversations, complimenting people to strike up conversations, hearing whatever music is blasting out of someone’s backpack. your ears can’t be perked up if they’re imprisoned in their own padded room.

ᕕ(⌐■_■)ᕗ ♪♬ 

(or lackthereof)

when you walk around with no music, you open a mental space to be imposed upon, violated even. how else would i hear a kid ask his older brother how much is a million minutes or this man on bart blaring tiktok audios or strangers striking up conversations or girls loudly playing never have i ever from an apartment. noticing noises also means noticing other people noticing noises, which is amusing in and of itself. said tiktok man aroused curious looks from nearby sitters and i enjoyed watching them shift in their seat, brought back from whatever trance their devices had them in. 

not listening to music also means empty space for your thoughts to percolate. our generation seems to be caught in between running away from the thought of thinking and wanting to be forever stuck in a reflexive internal gaze. maybe the balance is just kicking it back on bart, staring at people stare at the dark walls as you speed through the tunnels, and ruminating. ƪ(“╰ _ ╯ )ʃ

things i’ve been thinking about a lot recently:

• time and lack of it, but also grasp of it? trapping of it? having and not having a lot of it? 
• my attachment issues ٩(`･ω･´)و 
• grindset career building (why and why not)
• interior design 
• buzzfeed quiz: which core are you
• pinterest key words

with only listening to the music of my environment, i’ve also found myself deep in my notes app scripture. everything i’ve written feels like tumblr deep quotes pages but at the same time it feels like it’s been half a decade since i last formulated a thought and wrote it down. so bless this vast landscape of rolling hills that are my brain grooves, 

and i know what you’re thinking. okay lily this really isn’t anything new. we all go around outside without our headphones sometimes… well let me just say that for so long whenever i forgot my headphones when i left the house i would let out a big “doh!” and weigh the effort it takes to run back home to grab them versus the length i’d be outside with no music. so, as someone who needs to push my capacity for things, i am testing myself on this. 

anyway go listen to the world and tell me what you hear.